VON: 继续放弃？？

很悲哀。。。放弃一词已经很negative了，何况还要继续？？

不久前刚刚决定放弃一个朋友圈，我的放弃不代表跟他们断绝关系，只是我会对他们少了一份朋友之间原有的关心，他们在做些什么，日子过的好吗？这些，我已经不再想主动了解了。。。就保持现状吧，有心的话还是可以从大家的facebook得知的。。。若有心的话。。。

让我意想不到的是，最近突然某人把我也tag进他的note里了。。。单看标题也就知道是怎么一回事。。。顿时让我感到欣慰的是，作者把我tag进去，整个感觉就好像我还是其中的一分子。。。我觉得，我是不是不该放弃的呢？至少到现在还有人把我归纳在圈内嘛。。。

当我往下看时，作者也po了很多张照片。。。在每一张照片里，看到的都是每个人都挂着幸福的笑脸，而这一种幸福，只有照片里的人才能感受到。。。20张。。。总共有20张照片。。。可惜没有一张是有我的。。。note的内容说的都是我们怎么从陌生人到相知、相识。。即使毕业了，大家还是偶尔有聚一聚啦，我们的友谊是多么的坚固等。。。

是没错啦，大学的那三、四年，“我们”都有很多很美好的回忆，只是这个“我们”已不再有我了。。不然为什么大家已离开了大学以后的活动都没把我算在内呢？也许当中有人讨厌我、不想见到我。。我知道我不该想得那么坏，但想当年当中有人dok我bui jek。。。也许当年的我很多事情都处理得不太好，导致有人看我不顺眼，但不要紧，我改！好吧，或许我改了，还是不顺眼？？就当作是这样好了。。然后我就去了日本。。。也是从那个时候开始，我注意到他们之间的感情变得更好、更团结了。。。团结到我回国以后都已经融入不进去了。。。

唉。。那就由他们去呗。。。虽然已经有很多次看到他们聚会的照片，游玩的照片。。。但还是禁不住想，我本来应该在里面的。。。虽然，当中某人说下次会预我一起，但每一个下次，都是一样的。。。一次不要紧，两次，唉。。。渐渐的，我看到他们在facebook上update聚会或游玩的照片的时候，心是痛的。。因为我再也感觉不到我跟他们是一起的，已经不再是“我们”了。。。

就在我要放弃这么一段友谊的时候，不想再想那么多的时候，就有这么一个post。。。还把我tag进去。。。既然放了那么多张照片，都没有一张是包括我的，是说我已被排除在外吗？又为什么把我tag在里面？？？把我tag成“我们”又有什么意义呢？？

我不想想太多。。。

VON: learn, learn and learn!!

a new and big challenge is coming again... there's so many things that i don't know, and i used to think that it's ok so long as i'm willing to learn.. but in the cruel reality, people will definitely expect something from you, even you know nothing about it..

i'd been thinking if my current job is really suitable for me.. or, am i suitable for this position??

there is no proper jobscope, it just seems like i have to learn to do everything in office - besides my A & P work, and also the VMD work, secretarial work, PA work.........

i thought that i'd get myself ready for politics at work place... but now when i see it with my own eyes, i knew that i'm not yet ready for it.... deep inside my heart i started to run away, ignoring all kinds of people and situation which i could, face all those bloody people whom i have to.

now i see how those bloody people put the blame on others, where the others had get their part done, or sometimes it's not the other's job at all.... they are just simply very very demanding!! they wanted this and that, wanted everything the best for themselves but not willing to pay for what they want! they are just selfish!! so what u'd pay your service charges??? we need to take care of your personal belongings??? stop shouting at us before you know what is actually going on...

the new project is starting today, i myself know that the chance of it getting success is very very slim, other people at other places get 2-3 months to prepare for the event, but i had only 3-4 weeks and yet doing it by myself ALONE, until 2 weeks left, only there're some people whom i thought will be responsible enough to get the event done together. but i'm wrong! i'm really totally disappointed with them.... they can talk whatever they want, giving all the bullshit ideas which is so damn impossible to get it done within the time frame, and they said it as if it's so easy! do they know that things are actually easier said than done???

sigh... now i really dare not expect anything from the event.... i know that it gonna be a failure.... i wanted to be optimistic, but if u look at the situation, standing in my shoes, being optimistic is really too difficult for this event....

what i hope for now is please don't put the blame on me ALONE, at least i'd given my best!! if u guys really wanna blame me, then blame me for not having the experience, blame me for not being competent, blame me not not being able to bring up the idea when i just join the company and start the preparation from then on....

oh, the only ''good point'' i see from this event: i think i will know the people better, knowing who i can really trust

today is the first day, 17 days more to go, i'll do my level best so that it if it really fail, be it failing at the border line la....