VON: i still couldn't believe this...

how will u react when u find yourself being locked inside yr office's building after working hours??

there was one guy from the office suite claimed that he's new and just started working here for one month... the security guards will actually lock all the access into the office levels at 8pm during weekdays and this guy worked OT without informing the securities...so when he finished work (after 8pm when all the doors are locked - which means he couldn't even go to the lift), he just bang and broke the access door a.k.a fire door!!

we at the management side were only being informed on the next morning.... and there were 2 versions of story both claimed by that guy...

the first one.... he said to the security officer that he's a new guy and he doesn't know bout the time when the security guards lock the levels... and he was too panic and so he broke the door...

second version, which he told us (management office side)... he claimed that he called the security office and there was no one answering the call and therefore he didn't know what to do but broke the door!!

when i heard both versions from my colleagues from both side, my first doubt was... wont he call his colleagues or boss to ask for help if he couldn't get the security guards???

one more thing!!! he is so skinny!! and the fire door is soooooooo heavy and tough!! where did he has the strength to break the door by himself?????

hmm.... how will u react on this???

VON: linguistics = teaching??

Mr. X: oh, so u're from linguistics background ar?

Me: yeah!

Mr. X: then how come u ended up here?

Me: erm.. by chance??

Mr. X: oh.. i thought linguistics people will end up teaching... then u have an honour degree in linguistics so i thought u are teaching or something..but why this job??

Me: erm, well.. it doesn't matter la... there are alot of things to learn here ma..

Mr. X: oh.. eh?? so u're doing the advertising and promotion ar??

Me: yeah!

Mr. X: then why i didn't see any advertising here ar?? no promotion oso... very dead leh...

Me: erm.. doing...

halo?? the mall is 'dead' but it is not 'dead' after i work there ok??

for the past 10 years oso quite 'dead' ady... do u expect a fresh grad who just started working in the complex can live it up in just 3 months??

VON: easier said than done

from previous post, someone told me to take it or leave it....

in order to take it, i have to learn how to ignore in the first place...

not to ignore the problem, but to ignore the people...

how sad it is to ignore and train myself to get numb with all these similar situations...

how pain it is to leave it!!

how difficult it is to choose sad over pain or vice versa

''take it or leave it'' is just easier said than done!!

i should be able and good enough to ignore the situation as i knew the survival rule well!

i could have performed better with all the experiences i had!!

but i am very sorry to say that i am very disappointed with some other issue.. perhaps i should not consider to offer the chance at all.. your attitude at that particular timing was really disappointing!!

with all these issues over the years, how far more can i go?

VON: 是该放手了吗？

有些事，再苦都值得我们去付出，坚持到底

但如果是为了短短几天的欢乐（也未见得是），小小的成就感（小到不具任何影响力），却让自己觉得过程是苦的，已经不再享受了，我想是不是该继续呢？

参加了某个团体的这些年以来，团内一有任何大大小小的活动，只要时间上允许的，我都一定会参加。。。一直以来我自认我是不会放弃这个团体的，除非他们不要我。。。

这些年以来，他们要些什么，我都尽量配合，只要我办得到的，我都从不说不！至于办不到的，我都尽力去完成。。我很少出声，不怎么给意见，不代表我没有自己的想法！只要是在我能接受的范围里，我都会尊重大家的意见。。但是不是长久以来都这样，导致我说出我的想法的时候都没有人去理会呢？

我一直跟着你们所说的去做，即使我觉得我会做不好，我还会照做，原因只有一个：我相信你们是因为觉得我可以做得到，才让我这么做。。。

我明明知道自己的能力，知道自己比较适合做什么，也曾经提出来，结果呢？

不行啦，那边真的不够人啦，这边已经够人了，而且够强了，你就过去那边啦！

好吧，既然是一个团队，大家要的都是为了这个团队好，我就尽力咯。。可是当我尽力时还做的不够好的时候，为什么要把矛头指向我？你们都知道我真正想要得是什么！整个组做得不好，就我错了吗？当我说很难的时候，你们反问我，很难咩？我知道如果是由你们来做的话，一定会做得比我好，但为什么你们不来做？为什么你们就可以选择做让自己比较舒服的那一组？反正你们都做得到，不如我们调换位置？

我一直在想，我是不是在勉强自己？我到底是不是已经开始觉得委屈了？是不是已经到了放手的时候呢？但如果在这个时候放弃，那我这些年的努力算什么？我不是被宠的那几位，我花了好几年的时间一努力才得到你们的认可（也许这也是我一厢情愿的想法），但至少那个时候再苦，都是开心的。。。现在放弃的话，那前几个月为了坚持到底而差点跟家里闹翻（好不容易家里从反对到支持了），把自己忙得焦头烂额，又是为了什么呢？

VON: 尴尬

how can someone just easily said out what's the real feeling deep inside my heart when i was hiding it well?? at least i think i hide it well before u pointed it out la... and especially that's my ''weak point'' for the time being, what kind of respond are u expecting from me?? deny it?? admit it?? no, i will NEVER admit it in front of ANYBODY!! unless i wanted to create the 尴尬-ness... despite i gave no comment about it, i'm hoping that my facial expression did not betray me...

VON: how do u say?

item: photo album in facebook

content of the photo album: convocation

name of the photo album: The Beginning of the Cruel Reality

what a weird name for such a happy photo album by Esther Leong!!

but... don't u agree??

although I'd expected to get some ''culture shock'' in the working world, but somewhat it's still beyond what i could imagine...

friends who had join the Social University were telling me how to be more realistic when dealing with work, managers are telling me how is the real world should be.... no no no!! i'm not ready to face this cruel reality yet!!

but once started working, i knew i have to...

so.. just need to bear with it, accept it, adapt to it...

how do u say??

VON: pre-convocation

finally, it's my convocation today! officially take off the label as 'student' which i gonna miss so much (i'm missing it ady)

apparently it's a cloudy day in the morning, hope this cloudy weather will stay for the whole day, especially when we leave DTC after the ceremony..

things seems to be good today!! all the emo stuff of everyone seems to be neutralized to happy mood which how it's supposed to be!

yeah, convocation! so called my big day... but i'm not that excited yet... kinda busy exploring my new phone... yeah, finally bought a phone yesterday, after hours of dilemma!! somehow felt like being cheated by the salesman... he said that he had transfered my contact book from the old phone to the memory card... but i couldn't find it anywhere!! is it my prob that i duno how to use it?? but i need my contacts!!! depending those few miserable which was kept in the SIM card is not enough for me to contact my friends, especially those attending the convocation later!! anyway, they have my number so at least they could still get me.. will they?? sigh.... shouldn't had trade in my ex-phone...

anyway...... just noticed that the robe is slightly too big for me... should had taken the S size... M is just too big... looks so fat.... i want nice photos!!!

something important!!! i need a hair cut!!! belum pergi lagi..... oh no..... very last minute huh?? but what to do??? luckily the convo is afternoon session... still in time to get a simple hair cut.. or just trim abit only la... after all i will be sweating like hell so no matter how nice is the new hair style oso useless gua...so better take pics b4 entering DTC... photos photos~~~

VON: de-stress!!

being part of the solution to de-stress myself, somewhat i felt like spending $$$ is one of the way... omg!!! couldn't believe this when i was still officially a student!! even though i start working, but where do i have so much vitamin M to spend just to please myself leh???

well, went for dinner with a bunch of friends yesterday after work and decided to treat them a meal after getting my salary (in fact i'd promised one of them)..somewhat felt better after talking to them, had a great time laughing and they really make me feel young again... as if i was still a student in uni, busying with all kinds of activities... oh ya, i really miss those days!!

after all, i got desperate in getting a new phone... but do i really need one??

the current phone is still working well!! besides one of the navigation key is sometimes 'sot sot' ady, battery... erm... still not giving me prob yet.... so basically it's still in good condition la....

come to think about it, i had been using this phone since 1st year in uni...after 4 years, izit time to change?? felt like getting a new one as a present for myself for graduating... hmm.....

budget??? er...... preferbably not more than RM1k, but less than RM1.5k is still ok la....hmm... that 's my savings after working for 2-3 months... should i let my saving go ZERO and start all over again?? should i pamper myself to this extend just to de-stress myself???

VON: 纯粹发泄。。。

你要是有啥不爽，可不可以请你明讲？

我不是神也不是你肚子里的蛔虫，你不说，我又怎么会懂呢？

可不可以请你稍微理智一点，我没有欠你全世界，为什么要对我摆臭脸？

你知不知道看见你这样，我一点也不好受！

当我试着对你笑，跟你沟通，回应我的却只有空气。

你连看都不看我一眼，你知道我有多难受吗？

不是我不把这些话告诉你，只是，你肯听吗？

你只有顾着自己的感受，我说的话你听得进去吗？

每个人都跟我说你是爱我的，我又何尝不是呢？

可是你要了解，每个人的忍耐是有限的。

我只是再平凡不过的人，这样的压力，我真的不知道我还可以承受多久了。

至少，我非常清楚地意识到这已经严重地影响我的工作表现了。

相信这也不是你乐意见到的。

是不是我消失在你的视线范围里，你会比较好过？

如果不是，求你别再对我不理不睬了。

再这样下去，我迟早会疯掉的！这又是何苦呢？

我可不可以选择不要坚强地面对这一切？

我可不可以选择任性一点？我不想要那么成熟，我想我是真的累了。

你本应是我的避风港，但为什么这时候你却成了我想要避的风呢？

我们为什么会变成这样？我不要我们变成这样！

但我该拿你怎么办呢？

VON: i need a shoulder to cry on

can someone tell me what's wrong today??

why do i get a black sour face early in the morning like i owe her the whole world??

which then lead me to my blue blue working mood...

as i tried to smile at everyone at office, trying so hard not to get affected by my personal emo, everything seems going wrong...

why is everything so not smooth today??? it's my pay day today!! i'll be getting my salary!! but why i don't feel the exitement at all??

my event poster which was put inside the lift was torn.. thanks to some itchy hand people.. sure u'll get your bou ying sooner or later... you wouldn't know how much effort i'd put in and how much time spent in the lift to get it pasted.. felt so sakit hati to take off that poster... so have to re-print it to replace the torn one...

printer!! bully me oso >.<

couldn't print anything today with that PC.. did everything i could to troubleshoot it....but it's still the same.. the same stupid error!! perhaps i should ask my boss to change a new PC for the VMD department ady... that PC is still using Windows 98 lo!! well, i only use this PC for all the graphic design work.... my A&P work are using a better PC..

i wonder who was the one saying that eating chocolate will make one feel better when one is feeling down...i proved it wrong today... it doesn't help at all!! instead, i kept feeling hungry for the whole day... argh!! ate too much ady!!! finished quota ady.. no more chocolate for this month!! (oh no!! today's just the 2nd day of the month!! my favourite T_T

tried to rest myself during lunch time... took a nap in office for around 20mins .. i should get recharge but it doesn't work.. the emo was still...... ya, very very down...ok, at least i manage to get my proposal done after lunch time... it wasn't really good, ya, i knew it..expected to re-do it ady...

when i went back to my office after presenting the proposal, my colleague asked me if i'd changed the office phone number on the wesite as they are receiving calls which are actually looking for another company and they're getting annoyed about it.. as far as i'm concern, i did not make any amendment on the web regarding the office's information nor enquirers!! what i did was just to put up the event poster when i was exploring myself.. but the internet connection was down.. i couldn't prove anything!! sigh...

not long after that, another colleague was scratching her head over a wrongly issued receipt.. and i was the one who issued it.. hello!! that receipt was issued last month and i remember that she was the one who guided me to issue that particular receipt and now only she say it's issued wrongly and i'm getting the blame... fine... ngo yan!!!!!

and as i was still not die-hearted, trying to print that poster (yeah, i tried till the very last minute in office ), i was trying so hard not to bang the table nor printer nor whatever my hand can reach... i was trying to calm myself down.... calm down livon, calm down... banging it wouldn't help... calm down... god knows how desperate i wanna go sing K or yell at that moment... ok, at least i managed to control myself.. should i consider this as something good today??

now that i had enough of bad luck in office and yet after work have to face other problem at home which i don't know where to start revealing it.. so just keep it to myself 1st la...

sigh.. how to be stress free??suddenly felt so desperate to have a shoulder to cry on...can i not stay strong???anyone wanna lend me a shoulder??

argh!! i hate this emo me!!