YUN: ...

厭惡這樣的自己...

YUN: better than saying jokes

Today morning reli a bad starting+.+

Luckily got ur lovely iced milo cham coffee, to lighten my day time~


Like the way u treat me so well(^-^)

YUN: ...

~ May God Bless ~

YUN: \(^.^)/

香浓的咖啡, 好好喝 (^^)

YUN: 香港之旅 2010

去香港，要买的东西都有买到。
买给云中的，买给家里的，买给好友的，买给表妹的，买给公司的，买给家里kakak的。。。
感觉真好！

当然，当夜深人静时，想云中的思绪就更强烈了。
还好有你的夹克陪我，不然就会失眠，变熊猫眼了。

YUN：。。。

你问我想什么；在想着你跟我说的；说我有那一秒的迟疑；

那到底你认为，我在迟疑什么呢？

当时就很想问你了，过后想想，你会回答我，答案在我心中；所以就没问你和回答你我在想什么了。。

呃，还是那个疑问，到底你认为，我在迟疑什么咧？


。。。

VON: 继续放弃？？

很悲哀。。。放弃一词已经很negative了，何况还要继续？？

不久前刚刚决定放弃一个朋友圈，我的放弃不代表跟他们断绝关系，只是我会对他们少了一份朋友之间原有的关心，他们在做些什么，日子过的好吗？这些，我已经不再想主动了解了。。。就保持现状吧，有心的话还是可以从大家的facebook得知的。。。若有心的话。。。

让我意想不到的是，最近突然某人把我也tag进他的note里了。。。单看标题也就知道是怎么一回事。。。顿时让我感到欣慰的是，作者把我tag进去，整个感觉就好像我还是其中的一分子。。。我觉得，我是不是不该放弃的呢？至少到现在还有人把我归纳在圈内嘛。。。

当我往下看时，作者也po了很多张照片。。。在每一张照片里，看到的都是每个人都挂着幸福的笑脸，而这一种幸福，只有照片里的人才能感受到。。。20张。。。总共有20张照片。。。可惜没有一张是有我的。。。note的内容说的都是我们怎么从陌生人到相知、相识。。即使毕业了，大家还是偶尔有聚一聚啦，我们的友谊是多么的坚固等。。。

是没错啦，大学的那三、四年，“我们”都有很多很美好的回忆，只是这个“我们”已不再有我了。。不然为什么大家已离开了大学以后的活动都没把我算在内呢？也许当中有人讨厌我、不想见到我。。我知道我不该想得那么坏，但想当年当中有人dok我bui jek。。。也许当年的我很多事情都处理得不太好，导致有人看我不顺眼，但不要紧，我改！好吧，或许我改了，还是不顺眼？？就当作是这样好了。。然后我就去了日本。。。也是从那个时候开始，我注意到他们之间的感情变得更好、更团结了。。。团结到我回国以后都已经融入不进去了。。。

唉。。那就由他们去呗。。。虽然已经有很多次看到他们聚会的照片，游玩的照片。。。但还是禁不住想，我本来应该在里面的。。。虽然，当中某人说下次会预我一起，但每一个下次，都是一样的。。。一次不要紧，两次，唉。。。渐渐的，我看到他们在facebook上update聚会或游玩的照片的时候，心是痛的。。因为我再也感觉不到我跟他们是一起的，已经不再是“我们”了。。。

就在我要放弃这么一段友谊的时候，不想再想那么多的时候，就有这么一个post。。。还把我tag进去。。。既然放了那么多张照片，都没有一张是包括我的，是说我已被排除在外吗？又为什么把我tag在里面？？？把我tag成“我们”又有什么意义呢？？

我不想想太多。。。

VON: learn, learn and learn!!

a new and big challenge is coming again... there's so many things that i don't know, and i used to think that it's ok so long as i'm willing to learn.. but in the cruel reality, people will definitely expect something from you, even you know nothing about it..

i'd been thinking if my current job is really suitable for me.. or, am i suitable for this position??

there is no proper jobscope, it just seems like i have to learn to do everything in office - besides my A & P work, and also the VMD work, secretarial work, PA work.........

i thought that i'd get myself ready for politics at work place... but now when i see it with my own eyes, i knew that i'm not yet ready for it.... deep inside my heart i started to run away, ignoring all kinds of people and situation which i could, face all those bloody people whom i have to.

now i see how those bloody people put the blame on others, where the others had get their part done, or sometimes it's not the other's job at all.... they are just simply very very demanding!! they wanted this and that, wanted everything the best for themselves but not willing to pay for what they want! they are just selfish!! so what u'd pay your service charges??? we need to take care of your personal belongings??? stop shouting at us before you know what is actually going on...

the new project is starting today, i myself know that the chance of it getting success is very very slim, other people at other places get 2-3 months to prepare for the event, but i had only 3-4 weeks and yet doing it by myself ALONE, until 2 weeks left, only there're some people whom i thought will be responsible enough to get the event done together. but i'm wrong! i'm really totally disappointed with them.... they can talk whatever they want, giving all the bullshit ideas which is so damn impossible to get it done within the time frame, and they said it as if it's so easy! do they know that things are actually easier said than done???

sigh... now i really dare not expect anything from the event.... i know that it gonna be a failure.... i wanted to be optimistic, but if u look at the situation, standing in my shoes, being optimistic is really too difficult for this event....

what i hope for now is please don't put the blame on me ALONE, at least i'd given my best!! if u guys really wanna blame me, then blame me for not having the experience, blame me for not being competent, blame me not not being able to bring up the idea when i just join the company and start the preparation from then on....

oh, the only ''good point'' i see from this event: i think i will know the people better, knowing who i can really trust

today is the first day, 17 days more to go, i'll do my level best so that it if it really fail, be it failing at the border line la....

VON: i still couldn't believe this...

how will u react when u find yourself being locked inside yr office's building after working hours??

there was one guy from the office suite claimed that he's new and just started working here for one month... the security guards will actually lock all the access into the office levels at 8pm during weekdays and this guy worked OT without informing the securities...so when he finished work (after 8pm when all the doors are locked - which means he couldn't even go to the lift), he just bang and broke the access door a.k.a fire door!!

we at the management side were only being informed on the next morning.... and there were 2 versions of story both claimed by that guy...

the first one.... he said to the security officer that he's a new guy and he doesn't know bout the time when the security guards lock the levels... and he was too panic and so he broke the door...

second version, which he told us (management office side)... he claimed that he called the security office and there was no one answering the call and therefore he didn't know what to do but broke the door!!

when i heard both versions from my colleagues from both side, my first doubt was... wont he call his colleagues or boss to ask for help if he couldn't get the security guards???

one more thing!!! he is so skinny!! and the fire door is soooooooo heavy and tough!! where did he has the strength to break the door by himself?????

hmm.... how will u react on this???

VON: linguistics = teaching??

Mr. X: oh, so u're from linguistics background ar?

Me: yeah!

Mr. X: then how come u ended up here?

Me: erm.. by chance??

Mr. X: oh.. i thought linguistics people will end up teaching... then u have an honour degree in linguistics so i thought u are teaching or something..but why this job??

Me: erm, well.. it doesn't matter la... there are alot of things to learn here ma..

Mr. X: oh.. eh?? so u're doing the advertising and promotion ar??

Me: yeah!

Mr. X: then why i didn't see any advertising here ar?? no promotion oso... very dead leh...

Me: erm.. doing...

halo?? the mall is 'dead' but it is not 'dead' after i work there ok??

for the past 10 years oso quite 'dead' ady... do u expect a fresh grad who just started working in the complex can live it up in just 3 months??

VON: easier said than done

from previous post, someone told me to take it or leave it....

in order to take it, i have to learn how to ignore in the first place...

not to ignore the problem, but to ignore the people...

how sad it is to ignore and train myself to get numb with all these similar situations...

how pain it is to leave it!!

how difficult it is to choose sad over pain or vice versa

''take it or leave it'' is just easier said than done!!

i should be able and good enough to ignore the situation as i knew the survival rule well!

i could have performed better with all the experiences i had!!

but i am very sorry to say that i am very disappointed with some other issue.. perhaps i should not consider to offer the chance at all.. your attitude at that particular timing was really disappointing!!

with all these issues over the years, how far more can i go?

VON: 是该放手了吗？

有些事，再苦都值得我们去付出，坚持到底

但如果是为了短短几天的欢乐（也未见得是），小小的成就感（小到不具任何影响力），却让自己觉得过程是苦的，已经不再享受了，我想是不是该继续呢？

参加了某个团体的这些年以来，团内一有任何大大小小的活动，只要时间上允许的，我都一定会参加。。。一直以来我自认我是不会放弃这个团体的，除非他们不要我。。。

这些年以来，他们要些什么，我都尽量配合，只要我办得到的，我都从不说不！至于办不到的，我都尽力去完成。。我很少出声，不怎么给意见，不代表我没有自己的想法！只要是在我能接受的范围里，我都会尊重大家的意见。。但是不是长久以来都这样，导致我说出我的想法的时候都没有人去理会呢？

我一直跟着你们所说的去做，即使我觉得我会做不好，我还会照做，原因只有一个：我相信你们是因为觉得我可以做得到，才让我这么做。。。

我明明知道自己的能力，知道自己比较适合做什么，也曾经提出来，结果呢？

不行啦，那边真的不够人啦，这边已经够人了，而且够强了，你就过去那边啦！

好吧，既然是一个团队，大家要的都是为了这个团队好，我就尽力咯。。可是当我尽力时还做的不够好的时候，为什么要把矛头指向我？你们都知道我真正想要得是什么！整个组做得不好，就我错了吗？当我说很难的时候，你们反问我，很难咩？我知道如果是由你们来做的话，一定会做得比我好，但为什么你们不来做？为什么你们就可以选择做让自己比较舒服的那一组？反正你们都做得到，不如我们调换位置？

我一直在想，我是不是在勉强自己？我到底是不是已经开始觉得委屈了？是不是已经到了放手的时候呢？但如果在这个时候放弃，那我这些年的努力算什么？我不是被宠的那几位，我花了好几年的时间一努力才得到你们的认可（也许这也是我一厢情愿的想法），但至少那个时候再苦，都是开心的。。。现在放弃的话，那前几个月为了坚持到底而差点跟家里闹翻（好不容易家里从反对到支持了），把自己忙得焦头烂额，又是为了什么呢？

VON: 尴尬

how can someone just easily said out what's the real feeling deep inside my heart when i was hiding it well?? at least i think i hide it well before u pointed it out la... and especially that's my ''weak point'' for the time being, what kind of respond are u expecting from me?? deny it?? admit it?? no, i will NEVER admit it in front of ANYBODY!! unless i wanted to create the 尴尬-ness... despite i gave no comment about it, i'm hoping that my facial expression did not betray me...

VON: how do u say?

item: photo album in facebook

content of the photo album: convocation

name of the photo album: The Beginning of the Cruel Reality

what a weird name for such a happy photo album by Esther Leong!!

but... don't u agree??

although I'd expected to get some ''culture shock'' in the working world, but somewhat it's still beyond what i could imagine...

friends who had join the Social University were telling me how to be more realistic when dealing with work, managers are telling me how is the real world should be.... no no no!! i'm not ready to face this cruel reality yet!!

but once started working, i knew i have to...

so.. just need to bear with it, accept it, adapt to it...

how do u say??

VON: pre-convocation

finally, it's my convocation today! officially take off the label as 'student' which i gonna miss so much (i'm missing it ady)

apparently it's a cloudy day in the morning, hope this cloudy weather will stay for the whole day, especially when we leave DTC after the ceremony..

things seems to be good today!! all the emo stuff of everyone seems to be neutralized to happy mood which how it's supposed to be!

yeah, convocation! so called my big day... but i'm not that excited yet... kinda busy exploring my new phone... yeah, finally bought a phone yesterday, after hours of dilemma!! somehow felt like being cheated by the salesman... he said that he had transfered my contact book from the old phone to the memory card... but i couldn't find it anywhere!! is it my prob that i duno how to use it?? but i need my contacts!!! depending those few miserable which was kept in the SIM card is not enough for me to contact my friends, especially those attending the convocation later!! anyway, they have my number so at least they could still get me.. will they?? sigh.... shouldn't had trade in my ex-phone...

anyway...... just noticed that the robe is slightly too big for me... should had taken the S size... M is just too big... looks so fat.... i want nice photos!!!

something important!!! i need a hair cut!!! belum pergi lagi..... oh no..... very last minute huh?? but what to do??? luckily the convo is afternoon session... still in time to get a simple hair cut.. or just trim abit only la... after all i will be sweating like hell so no matter how nice is the new hair style oso useless gua...so better take pics b4 entering DTC... photos photos~~~

VON: de-stress!!

being part of the solution to de-stress myself, somewhat i felt like spending $$$ is one of the way... omg!!! couldn't believe this when i was still officially a student!! even though i start working, but where do i have so much vitamin M to spend just to please myself leh???

well, went for dinner with a bunch of friends yesterday after work and decided to treat them a meal after getting my salary (in fact i'd promised one of them)..somewhat felt better after talking to them, had a great time laughing and they really make me feel young again... as if i was still a student in uni, busying with all kinds of activities... oh ya, i really miss those days!!

after all, i got desperate in getting a new phone... but do i really need one??

the current phone is still working well!! besides one of the navigation key is sometimes 'sot sot' ady, battery... erm... still not giving me prob yet.... so basically it's still in good condition la....

come to think about it, i had been using this phone since 1st year in uni...after 4 years, izit time to change?? felt like getting a new one as a present for myself for graduating... hmm.....

budget??? er...... preferbably not more than RM1k, but less than RM1.5k is still ok la....hmm... that 's my savings after working for 2-3 months... should i let my saving go ZERO and start all over again?? should i pamper myself to this extend just to de-stress myself???

VON: 纯粹发泄。。。

你要是有啥不爽，可不可以请你明讲？

我不是神也不是你肚子里的蛔虫，你不说，我又怎么会懂呢？

可不可以请你稍微理智一点，我没有欠你全世界，为什么要对我摆臭脸？

你知不知道看见你这样，我一点也不好受！

当我试着对你笑，跟你沟通，回应我的却只有空气。

你连看都不看我一眼，你知道我有多难受吗？

不是我不把这些话告诉你，只是，你肯听吗？

你只有顾着自己的感受，我说的话你听得进去吗？

每个人都跟我说你是爱我的，我又何尝不是呢？

可是你要了解，每个人的忍耐是有限的。

我只是再平凡不过的人，这样的压力，我真的不知道我还可以承受多久了。

至少，我非常清楚地意识到这已经严重地影响我的工作表现了。

相信这也不是你乐意见到的。

是不是我消失在你的视线范围里，你会比较好过？

如果不是，求你别再对我不理不睬了。

再这样下去，我迟早会疯掉的！这又是何苦呢？

我可不可以选择不要坚强地面对这一切？

我可不可以选择任性一点？我不想要那么成熟，我想我是真的累了。

你本应是我的避风港，但为什么这时候你却成了我想要避的风呢？

我们为什么会变成这样？我不要我们变成这样！

但我该拿你怎么办呢？

VON: i need a shoulder to cry on

can someone tell me what's wrong today??

why do i get a black sour face early in the morning like i owe her the whole world??

which then lead me to my blue blue working mood...

as i tried to smile at everyone at office, trying so hard not to get affected by my personal emo, everything seems going wrong...

why is everything so not smooth today??? it's my pay day today!! i'll be getting my salary!! but why i don't feel the exitement at all??

my event poster which was put inside the lift was torn.. thanks to some itchy hand people.. sure u'll get your bou ying sooner or later... you wouldn't know how much effort i'd put in and how much time spent in the lift to get it pasted.. felt so sakit hati to take off that poster... so have to re-print it to replace the torn one...

printer!! bully me oso >.<

couldn't print anything today with that PC.. did everything i could to troubleshoot it....but it's still the same.. the same stupid error!! perhaps i should ask my boss to change a new PC for the VMD department ady... that PC is still using Windows 98 lo!! well, i only use this PC for all the graphic design work.... my A&P work are using a better PC..

i wonder who was the one saying that eating chocolate will make one feel better when one is feeling down...i proved it wrong today... it doesn't help at all!! instead, i kept feeling hungry for the whole day... argh!! ate too much ady!!! finished quota ady.. no more chocolate for this month!! (oh no!! today's just the 2nd day of the month!! my favourite T_T

tried to rest myself during lunch time... took a nap in office for around 20mins .. i should get recharge but it doesn't work.. the emo was still...... ya, very very down...ok, at least i manage to get my proposal done after lunch time... it wasn't really good, ya, i knew it..expected to re-do it ady...

when i went back to my office after presenting the proposal, my colleague asked me if i'd changed the office phone number on the wesite as they are receiving calls which are actually looking for another company and they're getting annoyed about it.. as far as i'm concern, i did not make any amendment on the web regarding the office's information nor enquirers!! what i did was just to put up the event poster when i was exploring myself.. but the internet connection was down.. i couldn't prove anything!! sigh...

not long after that, another colleague was scratching her head over a wrongly issued receipt.. and i was the one who issued it.. hello!! that receipt was issued last month and i remember that she was the one who guided me to issue that particular receipt and now only she say it's issued wrongly and i'm getting the blame... fine... ngo yan!!!!!

and as i was still not die-hearted, trying to print that poster (yeah, i tried till the very last minute in office ), i was trying so hard not to bang the table nor printer nor whatever my hand can reach... i was trying to calm myself down.... calm down livon, calm down... banging it wouldn't help... calm down... god knows how desperate i wanna go sing K or yell at that moment... ok, at least i managed to control myself.. should i consider this as something good today??

now that i had enough of bad luck in office and yet after work have to face other problem at home which i don't know where to start revealing it.. so just keep it to myself 1st la...

sigh.. how to be stress free??suddenly felt so desperate to have a shoulder to cry on...can i not stay strong???anyone wanna lend me a shoulder??

argh!! i hate this emo me!!

VON: 纯友谊？

突然羡慕起你身边的那个女孩

你是真的值得一个很好的女孩

虽然不知道他是个怎么样的人

希望她值得你为她所做的一切

只要你开开心心好好的过日子

我会努力提醒自己不要陷下去

然后把这几份感动藏好在心底

即使只是纯友谊也就已经够了

VON: 一个就够的朋友

真正的朋友，重质不重量

前两天，偶然跟大学的某位学姐联系了起来，说到班聚，她说，现在跟一些朋友没话聊了，大家的工作都不同，比如说一些当了老师的，都不知道要跟他们聊什么好。。。我说这也许是因为生活圈子不同了吧。。。

想到这里，我开始想起了跟我同届的同学了。。。当中有的结了婚的，也有已经出社会工作的，也有还在量地的。。只要一离开了校园，大家的生活圈都不再一样，所幸的是，我们还有话聊，但不可否认的，话题的确是少了。。。

可是，有位朋友，从高中时期开始，我们的生活圈渐渐不同，不同的高中，一个文科、一个理科，到了大学先修班，虽然都是文科班，但朋友圈已截然不同，更别说过后在不同的大学念不同科系，直到现在的社会大学，几乎已经找不到任何共同点了，值得庆幸的是，我们还是一样无所不谈，也无所不能谈！

也许因为观点似同非同，即可得到对方的认同，亦可得到对方从另一个角度的看法而更完整地看待某些事，更能在自己最需安慰与支持的时候给于最大的鼓励，一次次地让情绪找到宣泄的管道，由情绪低落而豁然开朗、由自卑而自信。在他人面前极度努力地武装自己、带着面具做人，终于在她面前可以以“素颜”呈现自己，面对自己，倾听自己内心最真实的声音。。。

熟人可遇不可求，今生能结交到这么一位朋友，可说是自己的福气！

云，有你这样的朋友，真的一个固打就够了！！

有你真好 ＾＾

YUN: mAY gOD bLESS...

Capricorn

Monday, July 12, 2010

Any efforts you begin over the next few days are highly favored, so don't waste your time. And don't be afraid to go after what you want in your relationships. It's a great time for new beginnings, and your most important relationships are feeling rejuvenated today.

Fresh new energy is coming your way today, so be ready to use it. Now is the time to put some constructive effort into your relationships. Whatever you and your partner have been thinking about doing but haven't gotten around to, now is a great time to do it.

May God Bless...

YUN: 【爱】，真的是一门很深的学问～

爱一个人，
要了解也要开解；
要道歉也要道谢；
要认错也要改错；
要体贴也要体谅；
是接受而不是忍受；
是宽容而不是纵容；
是支持而不是支配；
是慰问而不是质问；
是倾诉而不是控诉；
是难忘而不是遗忘；
是彼此交流而不是凡事交代；
是为对方默默祈求而不是向对方诸多要求。
可以浪漫，但不要浪费，
不要随便牵手，更不要随便放手。


（http://www.facebook.com/notes/-xin-qing-ji-shi-/ai-qing-jing-dian-er-shi-er-wen/137448246272161）

YUN: 倒不如让我死还更爽快

女儿：我吃云吞面呀？
妈妈：你喜欢啦，吃糯米饭还是云吞面都可以。
女儿：那还是吃云吞面。

。。。。。。

妈妈：那每天晚餐都吃什么？
女儿：嗯，吃斋。
妈妈：每天都是？
女儿：换不同不同地方吃咯。
妈妈：习惯啊？
女儿：ok呀，昨晚我还吃肉骨茶面。
妈妈：没有肉，没有鱼，可以呀？
女儿：... ...
妈妈：一餐半餐吃斋，和一世人吃斋，不一样；你要想清楚。
女儿：... ...（这问题在还没在一起之前就有想过了。）
妈妈：少吃肉，是好；海鲜像鱼有营养的，蛋有蛋白质，都不可以吃，你可以吗？
女儿：... ...
妈妈：你爱吃肉，酱爱吃虾的人，可以吗？
女儿：... ...（那天吃 jogoya, 连我最爱吃的 shashimi 刺身，我都觉得有点反胃了。）
妈妈：不要让自己委屈。
女儿：... ...
妈妈：跟他，整世人就是这样子了，不痛苦？
女儿：... ...（不能跟他在一起，我才觉得痛苦。）

。。。 。。。

这是今早跟妈妈部分的对话。

真的，如果要我为了饮食的不一样，而选择放弃和他继续在一起，那我宁可不吃肉。

【不和他在一起】，就好比【叫我不要吃】是一样的道理：

【倒不如让我死还更爽快】。

YUN: 不是【奖励】而是【感动】

我会变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手
变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局

啾～

男：“ 哦，是奖励。 ”
女：“ 不是奖励啦～ ”

是【感动】。

这首光良的【童话】不是没有听过，就只是一首家喻户晓的歌。当时只是觉得，旋律很美，就这样子而已，没有特别喜欢或不喜欢。

但今天，在听过你哼唱的【童话】后，心里不由然地觉得这歌词很有意思。听着听着，就觉得自己是被【疼爱】着的，自己是很【幸福】的。

所以，那不是【奖励】而是【感动】，因为，你真的是有把我放在【心上】。

还是，我自己在那里【自我陶醉】，syok sendiri 而已？

我看，只有天知道。。。

YUN: 真的

生病, 真的 很不好受>.<

YUN: Arrgghhh....

y always accidentally click the wrong button huh?

arrgghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YUN: 爱你无条件

“愛你無條件　愛我用心肝　不管別人按怎講　相信我愛的人袂變卦

愛情無條件　愛你用心肝　不管別人按怎看　我已經決定陪你到永遠”

想借用黄乙玲的【愛你無條件】里头的两句来表达我的心情。


爱你，真的是不需任何条件的加持。

～爱你，my hoon～

YUN: 我看起来真的很累吗？！

是不是在信任的人面前，
都会显得特别脆弱；
都不需戴上保护色；
都不需要那么倔强;
都不必再逞强下去？

是不是因为，在他们面前，
就会感到特别安心，有安全感；
整个人，不论身或心，
都是在【松懈】的状态下？

而不是所谓的【累】呢？

=.=

YUN: 【失而复得】的心情。。

真是难以形容的
~好~

嘻嘻 (n.n)

其实这个好心情，不是得到实体（那件裙子）；
而是再度尝到把那件裙子穿上，
你眼光投射的那个【激赏】而来的^^

所以，你说的对，我很开心~

hmm, 你呢? ^^

YUN：心意相通？！

男：“ abc 比较听 xyz 的。”

女：“ 那我们呢？(n.n) "

男：“ 你说呢？”

嗯，当时你我都没回应彼此的提问。我想是因为都知道对方的回应是和自己心底的答案不谋而合～

这就是所谓的-- 【安静，心意相通】的力量吧^^

YUN：美丽的幸福

男：“其实，一个人笑，很美丽～”


女：“哪，两个人笑呢？”


男：“很幸福～”

那如果，两个以上的人笑呢？我想，是【美丽的幸福】。

你说，幸福是【付出得多】才能得到的，自私的人就不能了。你还说，幸福是在于【感受得到】付出的对象，他们的快乐。

达成这境界，不容易。就好比黄小琥的歌里唱到，“【幸福】没有那么容易”，更何况是【美丽】的幸福呢？

嗯，我不能把【自私】的心态完全地割除，但我视它为一个【挑战】。一个【革命时间】或许很长，也或许会延展到我【生命最后一天】的挑战。

朋友（们），请祝福我吧！
谢谢～

YUN: b4 & after?!

B4 get together, used to buy 1 soya drink;
after get together, buy 2 is typical action.

Today morning, when i said to the auntie, i want soya drink 1 less sweet, she looked at me and felt confused but dint say any; so do i...

Frankly, just a little matter in normal daily life, but it seems like: my life had been changed.

~My b4 & after~

YUN: 原来已经深陷酱深。。。

那件恋人的礼物，再次承受我控制不住的泪水。

今晚的小插曲，让我以为。。
以为你我的心，渐行渐远；那突袭而来的【恐惧感】充斥，直达我内心处。

当下才知道，原来已经深陷酱深。

我想，自已已踏上【不归路】了。。。

看到这里的朋友，请帮我祈祷吧～ 祈祷这条不归路，不要走得太【坎坷】
（谢谢）

YUN: 原来，是这么一份礼物。

早上从报纸星座得知将会收到恋人的礼物。当下就很好奇：【会是什么样的呢？】

一到公司，就有接到他买的【红龟糕】当早餐。哦，原来是与【吃】有关的，想想也蛮符合【贪吃】的淑云(n.n)，但是。。。

到最后我才知道，星座所提到的恋人礼物，不是那可以解我嘴馋的【红龟糕】，而是那个【接受我心底泪水】的；那件他戴在身边，常用的；那份对别人而言或许不起眼，但对我意义非凡的。

原来，是这么一份礼物。

一份抚平我心灵深处的【手帕】。

YUN: 讨厌被【烦闷】困着的自己

。。。

你可以质疑我的办事能力，因我有自知之明：是个【blur blur】的人。我会感到【委屈】，往往都是被误解的时候：而今天是近期第二次了。

你凭着别人的见解而做出的【见解】，无形地困扰着我。心思细腻的你，也感觉到，问我说：“有心事？”。当下，我不知如何接答，心里总觉得，【说了也是白说】。

过后再想想，庆幸没道出口，因为一切源头，都是【自己做得不够好】，才会被【误解】，【委屈】等不好的能源困扰着，搞到今天的自己整个工作情绪在【紧绷】着。
犹记得在茶水间，你走过来说我【脸色苍白】，多吃点葡萄干。当下的心情，好坏参半。好的是，你在关心着我；坏的是，难道你是不知道我为何会【脸青青】？

回到家，想了又想后，就觉得自己蛮自私。只觉得【被误解】，感觉【受委屈】，却没去站在你的处境想想，没有去感受到你说那番话背后的【温柔】，还有那真的为我，为我们后续发展而设想的那份【心情】～

想到这里，也不知能说些什么了；唯有一句话，（虽然已不是第一次这么说了，但还是很想再说。。。）你真的是我不会看错的【那个人】。

当然，不让此等事情再重蹈复测，是我当下要做的，因为没有人会想要持续地这般【讨厌】自己。

由衷地在祈祷着。。。

VON: 无可救药的堕落

即使一直告诉自己，该是读书的时候了，但只要笔电是开着的话，我就无法静下心来读书。。或许说是因为网络太方便了吧。。如果不行上网的话，我也许会乖乖当个好学生。。

即便现在是考试期间，整颗心也还是沉迷于电视剧。。考试前，考试中都还不忘追剧，更别提下星期考完试的时候了。。。唉~！真要命~！！到时如果真的有哪科被挡掉的话，说真的，我不感到意外，虽然这是我不乐意见到的事。。

尽管如此，我还是一样，依然追剧。。现在想回去，我在赶毕业论文的时候还真的成功克制自己暂停追剧。。可是那次的“TV diet”只持续到交稿那天。。然后就堕落到现在了。。。

所谓压力也可以变成一种推动力。。即使我一直提醒自己我讲师说过的一句话“你今年要毕业的，不是？”毕业的压力却还是变不了让我好好应付考试的推动力了。。

我知道要怨的、要怪的，不是别人。。只有我自己。。我，有勇气去承担这个恶果吗？如果没有的话，我是不是应该有所行动了呢？？

是我，放弃了吗？是我，认定自己不行了吗？

我想，我。。真的堕落得无可救药了~！！

p/s:刚刚看了《心星的泪光》的简介，当中有说到剧中的一句对白，自己还挺喜欢的~！！

“我不能因为明天可能会发生的难过，就停止追求今天的快乐”

VON: 如果

你传来的简讯还残留在手机里
有那么好几次我都差点删除了
为什么还要留着呢？
是因为我还没放下吗？
还是我根本不想放下？
要是说现在要重来
一切已太迟了是吧？

如今你是别人的唯一
而你的唯一也不再是我
现在我们都离得远远的
曾经那么熟悉的两人
怎么变得那么陌生呢？

如果当年我没那么理智
如果当年我们有在一起
如果当年我们努力一点
如果当年我们另作选择
现在的我们会是什么样子呢？

VON: STUDY week = STEADY week??

final semester of my final year in uni.... this will be my 6th final exam n praying hard that this will be the LAST final exam... all these years, there's one thing that doesn't change - study week's activity: drama week / procrastinating week..

yeah, other ppl see me not studying during study week... my parents see me watching dramas n anime... my mom's friends knew tat i'm preparing exam n yet i'm following them in n out for meals n this n that... they believe in me so much that they believe that i can handle it with some xtra stress(which had been overcome now)

everynight, when my eyes cant open anymore, i'll be telling myself to stop procrastinate n start doing my revision on the next day. on the next morning, the same old story repeat - watching dramas again....

knowing that if i dun start revision and be serious in this, i MIGHT fail my papers... but........ i remain the same! YAP LI-VON!!! u knew wat's happening n why is it so difficult to get yr laptop shut down n start revising??

START NOW!!

YUN: 就说我【肤浅】吧～

女：“男孩子送花，会不会觉得不切实际？”

男：“。。。送花是表达心意的一种。。（何况）女孩子喜欢。。。”

是的，理智的我，会觉得-- 不切实际。
但，感性的我，又觉得【花-- 心意表达的媒介】，也不是不无道理。

而往往，我都是
感性多于理智的。。

好吧，就说我【肤浅】吧～
我认了～

VON: 可怕的火遮眼

pekceknya when handling conflicts.... 有的时候，我常常想，弟弟到外地念书，对他是好的。尤其他可以远离种种风波。。但是，往往事情发生的时候我却渴望他能在我身边，因为有些人就只有他能搞得定！

这么多年来，一直都是这样，当某人发火的时候，就只有某人能灭火，其他人越想灭火，火却越烧越旺！问题在哪里呢？很多年前，某位长辈告诉我，不要那么成熟、不要插手，由得他去。。因为雨过会天晴的。。但牵涉的人、事、物却不由得我置身事外。。如果可以装聋作哑，那该多好？正所谓眼不见为净，耳不听为明嘛。。

可是很多时候不管我说什么，如果某人都不肯把心敞开，我说再多都没用，因为他一个字都听不进去！那也就算了，还要钻牛角尖？在这个时候，不管身边的人说的多么positive的话，他都会把它interpret成negative的啦。。那他还指望我说什么？安慰什么呢？

唉，很多时候，如果你不是因为先入为主，再加上火遮眼，事情并不复杂，你可以过得很快乐。日子要怎么过，只在于你的一念之间。又没有什么深仇大恨，forgive and forget,很难吗？他没有对你不好，只是往往沟通上出了问题。。conflict来的时候，你一直拿放大镜去看他的短处，又怎么还看得见他对你的好呢？相反的，他却一直拿着显微镜去看你好的一面，他说，这样就足以忘掉不愉快的，因为爱是要包容的。。凡事看开点，这世界还是美好的！你身边有那么多关心你的人，只是你选择的是忽视。又或许，你一直只在拿他跟别人做比较，真要比的话，他真的很好了，在他的能力范围里，他已经把最好的都留给了你，你还要求什么？当你看到别人比他好的那一面，你有没有看到他比别人好的那一面呢？你这样对他，公平吗？

我不是要护着谁，我说的都是你一直不肯听的话，而且，这番话也并不是我一个人说的，也许，从别人口中说出来的话，你可能会听得见。。每次跟你说的时候，你都很任性、很不理智的说：我就是这样，不喜欢就不要咯！
然而，你每次对他的种种指责，他有反驳过吗？有哪次他不是有委屈自己吞？他也只是一个平凡的人，从以前可以面不改色的面对这一切，到现在渐渐地自责、对于自己渐渐地自我怀疑，再这样下去，他也会有崩溃的一天。。而你，真的乐意让事情变得如此吗？

YUN: Eric Lim Su Teng 的 革命情感？！

算是吧。。

毕竟渡过两年的风风雨雨，

革命再革命，才得以圆满得划上句点。

YUN: 有你真好！

如题。。。

当我不知所措，不知要如何抉择时，想到的就是你；
当我觉得受到委屈时，你的轮廓就会出现在脑海里；
当我觉得愤怒要找人宣泄时，你自然而然会是那位 “受难者”；
当我要找人分担烦忧需要安慰时，你会是我的解花语。

无用怀疑，

就是你，丽雯。

是你让我觉得，在这个世界上，

有你真好！

希望你不会嫌弃我这个朋友做到不够好，
由衷地祈祷着。。。

YUN: 发呀～

2010 年的 “头号” 捞生～




今晚吃的很丰富，到现在都还很饱～

这是个好预兆，发呀！！

愿: 身边我爱的人，和爱我的人，
2010 年心想事成，事事顺利～

衷心地祈祷着...